Wouldn't it be great if everyone was truly honest? Well, maybe not so much when you aren't feeling particularly great and you really don't want anyone to acknowledge what you really look like. However, there is an appropriate place for honesty: when you are asked your opinion; when you are in a business transaction; when honesty is difficult, but without would cause damage; and any time that you want to be able to face yourself.
I relate honesty to being a piece of establishing integrity. One of the best compliments someone could state is that I have high integrity. This is made up of honesty (without brutality), trust, and consistency. When you have integrity, people know they can count on you to do what is in the best interest of everyone. They also know that if something is not right, you will put it out on the table and not brush it under the rug.
Of course being honest does come with some responsibilities. Just like the commercial with Abe Lincoln where his wife puts him in that common predicament to comment on her looks in the dress. What should be the right answer? So much of the time it is in the delivery of the honesty that causes the conflict. Saying, "Yes, your butt does look fat in those jeans" could land you in the dog house. However, if you do like fat butts it might be better to say, "The view is smokin' from here." If that isn't the look she is going for, then something along the lines of, "They don't seem to compliment your shape" might be a little easier to take.
Honesty can be tough. It isn't that most people don't want to be honest. Sometimes we are just put in situations where honesty can seem too brutal. Watch your delivery, tone, facial features, and body language while you are making your honest statement and it could be in your favor.
For MN Insurance Agents, I am offering 7 ethics courses throughout the state of Minnesota from August through October. The credits for the classes will be uploaded within 24 hours of the class completion so no lapses due to the ethics requirement. You can find more at http://bdynamics.eventbrite.com/.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Little Miss Know-it-All
I was asked after my last posting, "When is it right to get on a soap box and 'correct' someone?" Fortunately, for me, I now know the answer to that. I can't say that I always get it right, but the thought is there.
The teacher in me always wants to make sure people get the opportunity to know the right answer. As a student, I study hard and always shoot for 100% and knowing as much as possible. I like being right. However, there is a time and a place for being right outside yourself. When someone would misspeak, I would offer them a correction until one day my husband "rudely" corrected me. I felt belittled and a little hurt. He said to me, "That's what you do to people."
If it isn't going to send them off a cliff, kill anyone, make anyone bleed, or make them look like a complete idiot in public, keep it to yourself. Misspeaking happens. People have opinions about a variety of topics. Let them speak. If you are being offended by what they are saying, please let them know that. People can only treat you how you allow them to treat you. Keep calm and be polite.
Most people think faster than they speak and the misspeaking will happen. I was at a Toastmasters event a couple of weeks ago and must have made an inappropriate reference to either a lectern or a podium. I don't recall making such a statement, however in my evaluations someone made a big deal over the fact that I didn't know the difference. The problem is, I do know the difference, but obviously my mind and my mouth didn't match and the offended person didn't bother to make the correction for the rest of the group, but it sure bugged them during the presentation. I speak in front of people all the time and I know my mind and mouth don't always match. Sometimes I catch myself and attempt to make the correction. Sometimes I don't catch myself. In a classroom or seminar setting that is somewhat small and when people are hanging on every word, it is proper to make the minor corrections very politely. After all, someone might be writing it down.
So, how do you make the corrections? The way the initial question was posed to me referenced getting on your soap box. RARELY do you ever get on a soap box. The majority of the time when you feel a correction is needed, give the speaker the benefit of the doubt and politely state something like, "did you mean to say...." If a statement was made that offended you, offer something like, "I'm not comfortable with that statement/topic/etc. Could we move onto something else?" If it is a difference of opinion, how about, "I take a different view on that particular topic." You can be polite, gentle and non-offensive. Set the tone as to how you would like the tone of the conversation to go. If you are looking for confrontation or an argument, hop up on the soap box - the view is much different.
The teacher in me always wants to make sure people get the opportunity to know the right answer. As a student, I study hard and always shoot for 100% and knowing as much as possible. I like being right. However, there is a time and a place for being right outside yourself. When someone would misspeak, I would offer them a correction until one day my husband "rudely" corrected me. I felt belittled and a little hurt. He said to me, "That's what you do to people."
If it isn't going to send them off a cliff, kill anyone, make anyone bleed, or make them look like a complete idiot in public, keep it to yourself. Misspeaking happens. People have opinions about a variety of topics. Let them speak. If you are being offended by what they are saying, please let them know that. People can only treat you how you allow them to treat you. Keep calm and be polite.
Most people think faster than they speak and the misspeaking will happen. I was at a Toastmasters event a couple of weeks ago and must have made an inappropriate reference to either a lectern or a podium. I don't recall making such a statement, however in my evaluations someone made a big deal over the fact that I didn't know the difference. The problem is, I do know the difference, but obviously my mind and my mouth didn't match and the offended person didn't bother to make the correction for the rest of the group, but it sure bugged them during the presentation. I speak in front of people all the time and I know my mind and mouth don't always match. Sometimes I catch myself and attempt to make the correction. Sometimes I don't catch myself. In a classroom or seminar setting that is somewhat small and when people are hanging on every word, it is proper to make the minor corrections very politely. After all, someone might be writing it down.
So, how do you make the corrections? The way the initial question was posed to me referenced getting on your soap box. RARELY do you ever get on a soap box. The majority of the time when you feel a correction is needed, give the speaker the benefit of the doubt and politely state something like, "did you mean to say...." If a statement was made that offended you, offer something like, "I'm not comfortable with that statement/topic/etc. Could we move onto something else?" If it is a difference of opinion, how about, "I take a different view on that particular topic." You can be polite, gentle and non-offensive. Set the tone as to how you would like the tone of the conversation to go. If you are looking for confrontation or an argument, hop up on the soap box - the view is much different.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
The Trigger
While shopping a couple of weeks ago I was behind a lady in line at the checkout. She had three little kids climbing in and out of the cart while she was attempting to put her purchases up on the counter. She took out the pop (or for you Southerners, that would be soda) from the bottom of her cart and told the clerk that she had two. She then took out a gallon of milk and told the clerk she had four. I noticed she had a carton of ice cream down there too, but she didn't take it out. She leaned on the counter all poised to pay.
My head starting reeling. Do I say something? Who do I say it to? What do I say? Should I mind my own business? Hey, this is my business. If she gets away without paying for her ice cream, that is shoplifting and then the prices of goods I buy will increase. She looks innocent enough - I think it could be an oversight. After all, she had to try to entertain her kids and get all of the other groceries up there. I decided to quit rationalizing and politely let her know that she also had some ice cream at the bottom of her cart. She thanked me and proceeded to tell me that it would have been awful to find it when she got to the van and then had to turn around with the kids and come back in and pay for it. She thanked me again.
What did I get from this experience - the trigger. That would be the "do the right thing" trigger. When you start to rationalize your steps away from what you know is the right thing to do - just do the right thing.
My head starting reeling. Do I say something? Who do I say it to? What do I say? Should I mind my own business? Hey, this is my business. If she gets away without paying for her ice cream, that is shoplifting and then the prices of goods I buy will increase. She looks innocent enough - I think it could be an oversight. After all, she had to try to entertain her kids and get all of the other groceries up there. I decided to quit rationalizing and politely let her know that she also had some ice cream at the bottom of her cart. She thanked me and proceeded to tell me that it would have been awful to find it when she got to the van and then had to turn around with the kids and come back in and pay for it. She thanked me again.
What did I get from this experience - the trigger. That would be the "do the right thing" trigger. When you start to rationalize your steps away from what you know is the right thing to do - just do the right thing.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Is Legal Always Right?
When I change a procedure, one of the first things I consider is, "Is it legal?" If the answer is Yes, I continue. However, I have recently been reading a lot about different views on how ethics are developed and was surprised to read how even if it is legal, doesn't mean it is ethical. After reading their examples, I have to agree. Now, I rethink that first question.
Even though something is legal, it does not mean it is the right thing to do. Think of Rosa Parks. What she did by sitting in the front of the bus was not legal at that time. However, it is not right to make laws based on skin color. In fact, many people that get laws changed are sometimes doing it based on "doing the right thing". Of course this is a vague statement and comes from individual frames of reference.
The big tug seems to be between morals and legality. In every election there is much talk about the morals of the candidate (or lack thereof). Therefore, do people tend to consider the right thing as defined by morals instead of laws? I recently picked up a book regarding some of the most ridiculous laws in America and would agree that with some of those laws on the books (such as in one city it is illegal to walk your duck on a leash in town) I would prefer to use my moral compass instead of what someone could get passed as a bill.
Even though something is legal, it does not mean it is the right thing to do. Think of Rosa Parks. What she did by sitting in the front of the bus was not legal at that time. However, it is not right to make laws based on skin color. In fact, many people that get laws changed are sometimes doing it based on "doing the right thing". Of course this is a vague statement and comes from individual frames of reference.
The big tug seems to be between morals and legality. In every election there is much talk about the morals of the candidate (or lack thereof). Therefore, do people tend to consider the right thing as defined by morals instead of laws? I recently picked up a book regarding some of the most ridiculous laws in America and would agree that with some of those laws on the books (such as in one city it is illegal to walk your duck on a leash in town) I would prefer to use my moral compass instead of what someone could get passed as a bill.
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